Narcohotsie
by SilverTurtle
Summary: A fun day on the ship is interrupted when our heroes are introduced to a rare affliction, and learn that someone close to them once suffered from it. And Cody sticks his foot in his mouth...figuratively speaking.


A/N: This was inspired by a skit from ACME This Week called "So Tired" in which Erin Cardillo (the super awesome, crazy hot Miss Tutweiller) featured. Find it on YouTube (full title: Acme This Week 03/15/08 "So Tired") it's so worth the watch.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Suite Life On Deck or any of the characters. Nor do I own the idea of 'narcohotsie' itself. I'm just playing with them both.

Warning: This story contains some very light femslash and the idea that Cody might not be as straight as he appears. Don't let that stop you from reading, it's all just hints anyway.

*****'*****

The group of teens sat on deck chairs by the largest pool aboard the _S.S. Tipton_. They were enjoying their day in the sun, free from obligations of school and work on this glorious Saturday afternoon.

"Make sure to use plenty of sun block," Cody cautioned his group of friends, "skin cancer is a growing epidemic in this day and age where tanned skin is a sign of beauty. Personally, I always thought a pale skin tone was more attractive, and it avoids sun damage while keeping the skin smooth and soft for a much longer time."

"And you burn like a lobster," his brother chimed in from behind his sunglasses and smoothie straw.

Bailey joined in the laughter of the group while Cody pouted and applied a generous helping of sunscreen to his brother's face. "Aww, don't worry Cody. White as a ghost or red as a lobster, I still think you're cute."

"Thanks Bailey-bear," he smiled at his girlfriend ignoring the gagging of Marcus, Woody, and Zack, "Let me get your back."

Preparations complete the teens settled into their free time with joy, diving into the pool to begin their fun.

Addison climbed onto Woody's shoulders and challenged the others to a game of chicken. "Come on you cowards! Don't any of you have the guts to take on the arm wrestling champion? Or are you too intimidated by 83 pounds of pure muscle?" She struck a strong-man pose for a moment then turned to point at the others.

Unable to resist a direct challenge Bailey had attempted to settle on Cody's shoulders, but he proved too weak and collapsed mere moments after she'd climbed on so she ended up supporting him in the game.

London, from Marcus' shoulders, shouted "Charge!" And it was on.

Not having the pure muscle Addison put to good use or the freaky skills London occasionally displayed Cody was swiftly eliminated, much to Bailey's disappointment. If it had been she on the fighting end they might have lasted longer, she felt certain she'd at least have been able to unseat Addison. Having been defeated they climbed out of the water and back onto their lounge chairs to watch the remaining teams.

Addison and London grappled on a surprisingly even level, Addison matching London's bizarre abilities with sheer determination and generous application of strength. They were in a dead lock but Bailey, paying close attention, could tell that they were each about to move in for the finishing maneuvers.

"Hey, check _them_ out!" Zack shouted over the din of Cody and Bailey's cheers, and the combatants' battle cries. He gained their instant attention and their gazes followed his pointing finger.

Two extremely attractive women, women so beautiful they seemed to glow, were walking very, very slowly along the deck yawning and occasionally grabbing the backs of chairs to support themselves.

Marcus was so stunned by their beauty that he slipped and sent both he and London toppling into the water with a huge splash. He immediately popped back up and fastened his eyes on the women, jaw dropped and eyes wide open.

London surged out of the water ready to fume but was distracted by the spectacle.

Addison was so surprised she didn't even notice her victory, "They're gorgeous!" she exclaimed, tugging Woody's hair to turn him to follow the ladies' movements. Woody voiced no complaints as he was similarly enamored of their good looks.

"Woah," Bailey whispered. It was all she could think to say. She'd never seen women that beautiful before. These two were like moving works of art, all sensuous curves and flowing hair. She did note that their hair seemed to blow in a breeze that didn't exist for anyone else. She also noted that everyone on the deck was following their progress with hungry eyes…except Cody.

"What's wrong with them?" he asked, breaking their reverent silence with a typically inane question. None of the others cared, nothing seemed wrong to them, and they didn't like their ogling interrupted.

Bailey managed to shake the cobwebs from her brain while still watching the women, "What do you mean?"

"They're moving so slowly, like the air is as thick as molasses." He pointed out, "There's no reason for them to walk that slowly, so there's got to be something wrong. And look, they keep yawning, you can't tell me that's normal."

Suddenly a voice spoke over their heads, "They have narcohotsie."

Bailey tilted her head back to see Emma Tutweiller, their teacher, hovering behind her lounge chair in an attractive two piece swim suit and her hands gripping the top of the cushion tightly.

"Narcohotsie?" Cody asked, turning to his teacher, "What's that?" The rest kept their eyes fastened to the beauties whilst their ears strained to hear Tutweiller's words.

Emma pursed her lips for a moment before speaking in a slightly bitter voice, "Narcohotsie is the condition of the extremely beautiful where they are so very beautiful that it takes excessive amounts of energy just to be seen by others and makes them tired all the time. They move so slowly because of exhaustion, yet those slow movements somehow make them more beautiful which makes them more tired which makes them move even more slowly."

"But, if that's the case, wouldn't they eventually come to a complete stop?" Cody asked, "And anyway," he began pompously, "that can't be a real condition, it's too ridiculous. I've never even heard of it!"

Emma rolled her eyes. "Of course you've never heard of it. Only those _with_ narcohotsie have ever _heard_ of narcohotsie."

"But you clearly know about it and you're not-" Bailey slapped her hand over Cody's mouth before he could finish that statement. She could see the storm of fury brewing in Tutweiller's eyes as Cody had spoken and hoped to abate it by preventing the final damaging words being said.

Emma huffed hard, once, and nearly growled, "It wears off when the person afflicted reaches their thirties."

London spoke up then, loudly, "But I don't have it. And I'm obviously _way_ more beautiful than those two!"

Emma fought not to roll her eyes again as she replied, "It doesn't usually strike until a person turns twenty-one. Something about reaching the legal drinking age."

"So that means that any of us could get so attractive that we get narcohotsie?" Zack asked.

London looked at him and bluntly said, "You won't have to worry about that, your face protects you."

"Hey!" A three part protest rose from Zack, Cody, and Bailey (offended on her boyfriend's behalf).

"What about me?" Woody piped up.

"Tch," London scoffed, "You'll _never_ be in danger. Your Woody-ness protects _you_."

"Aww, man!" Woody whined and slapped the water, inadvertently unseating Addison who hadn't turned her attention from the women. She rose out of the water flipping her hair out of her face; Bailey thought she looked a little like a mermaid surfacing when she did that.

"So," Addison said wiping water from her forehead, "You had narcohotsie once, Miss Tutweiller?"

Emma nodded, a little proud that she'd been that beautiful and was beautiful still in her own humble opinion, "I did. I was crazy hot."

"And you still couldn't land a husband?" London asked scornfully.

"Well," Cody said yanking Bailey's hand from his mouth and bursting to inform the others, "You remember she _did_ tell us that she had a fiancé once and that her sister stole him away. Her sister must have been even more beautiful."

Any pride she'd felt instantly fled in a flush of rage and sorrow and before she said anything she'd regret Emma turned on her heel and stomped away.

Bailey looked at her boyfriend in horror for a moment, "You are a real idiot aren't you?" she asked, astounded that he'd be so callous. She got up and went after their teacher, ignoring his spluttered protests.

"Miss Tutweiller!" she called, "Miss Tutweiller, wait! Please!"

Bailey jogged after her surprisingly swift teacher, lengthening her stride when her teacher swiftly took a corner and disappeared from sight. Bailey hurried after, breaking into a sprint and taking the corner at full speed. She saw her teacher still moving down the hall and pursued, steadily closing the distance.

Finally, she reached out and caught the older woman by the wrist effectively stopping her progress.

"Miss Tutweiller," she panted, "I'm-I-I-"

"Bailey? Catch your breath," Emma instructed, moving to gently rub Bailey's back soothingly.

Bailey panted a bit longer before sucking in a deep breath and releasing it slowly. "I'm sorry about Cody, about what he said. And for London, too. I don't think they realized how mean they were being, but that's no excuse. And anyway, I think you're still beautiful Miss Tutweiller, so you shouldn't let what they said bother you too much. They weren't thinking."

"I," Emma was lost for words for a moment, "Thank you, Bailey. That's very sweet." She took Bailey's hand and gently squeezed it before releasing it and stepping away.

"Miss Tutweiller?"

"Hm?"

Bailey spoke without thinking and asked, "Did you really have narcohotsie?"

Emma offered an enigmatic smile, teeth flashing and eyes sparkling, "What do you think?" was all she said and sauntered off in a way that left Bailey's mouth dry and her cheeks hot.

Bailey gulped, "I think I believe it," she whispered to herself thinking of her teacher and the flutter in her stomach that smile had caused.

*****'*****

THE END

A/N: I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did. Please review.


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